I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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