Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize