his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize