i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
