ya dads aren't the best wingmen
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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