I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
organizing the empties. That sober.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
