So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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