We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
