I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
