This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
