Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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