I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
