i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
