My room smells like vodka and shame
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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