If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
