All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
