He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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