hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
