You smell like a Billy Joel song
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
