you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
