My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize