I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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