What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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