she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
