Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
