I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
