i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
