are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
