Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
