I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
