I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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