I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
