I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
