I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
not ubering you a puppy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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