My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
