this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
