I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
