Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
