what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
love makes seman taste better
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
