In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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