ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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