I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
