I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
