Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
