just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
