Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize