So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
