do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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