Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
