Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
