**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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