So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
