im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
