id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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