i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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