I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
