So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
