Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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