if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
