they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
50% drunk capacity currently
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
