How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
