Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
