I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
