so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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