she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
