Apparently you make a good broom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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