dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
