We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
