Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
