So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
