Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
