Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
