her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize