Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
