weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i love accidental penises.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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