First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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