Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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