evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
