I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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