the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
