He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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