oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
