even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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