Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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