My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
