how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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