I accidentally burped into my bong.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
