watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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