one two three fourrrrnication!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
