is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
