Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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