That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
