My first STD was from a foam party
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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