we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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