HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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