her vagine was all disorganized.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
