Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
