Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
