Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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