If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize