The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
