I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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