Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
