I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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