So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
