He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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