hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
