My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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